You Have (No) Mail!

Good Morning, Darling! And how are you today? I see you're looking marvelous, as usual. Even by the light of this decidedly non-beauty-enhancing computer screen. I don't really know how you do it. One day you will need to share your secret with me. I put on some facial cream before retiring last evening and when I awoke, my eyes were barely able to open. Alas ~ the price of beauty!

So I went to bed last night thinking about technology. And mail. Mostly

I was thinking about the joy of my linen duvet cover and how cozy my bed is! But technology and mail were also there lurking in a tiny dark corner of my mind.

Now, while I've been making as much use of technology as possible and focusing on its many positives, my deepest and most delicious desire would be to have my thoughts arrive on your bedside table, written to you in lovely inky-black penmanship...on heavyweight, hand-crafted cotton-linen blend paper. In a lined envelope. Perhaps with a wax seal impression in the shape of a violet. Or a chicken. Because that is how my artistic and weird and sensual soul rolls.

But since that is rather out of the question at present, I am quite grateful for the wonders of modern technology to aid me in delivering

my deep thoughts.

Yesterday, I did something that has left me feeling as if I have taken one gigantic step toward more personal freedom. I feel ten pounds lighter. No, I have not donated my vintage postcard collection to charity...I have deleted my email application. From my iPhone.

I realize this may be too shocking for some, this early in the day.

"You have NO MAIL" Thank you, God/ Great Architect of the Universe. One less bell to answer, one less temptation to consciously avoid as I walk around in the world. :)

It happened because, in yet another in a string of never-ending technologically induced conundrums, I found myself in a battle with my phone. Which I no longer refer to as my phone...but what it truly is: A sometimes evil and overly invasive tiny computer that has been sold to me and the rest of humanity as the most innocuous of items...a device upon which to speak with other human beings.

Don't get me wrong, I love my "phone." But I also resent it slightly.

But those are profound thoughts that I shall save for another day. :)

And so, needing more space to store yet more earth-shatteringly-non-important information on my phone and in a deadlock with the options, I came upon a moment of brilliant clarity ~ a sudden thought that made me feel as if the fresh air of an ancient forest had blown through my brain. I looked at my companion and said aloud, "What if I deleted my email? Wiped it out. I could just do that, right?" (From my phone. Not from my computer. I'm not trying to go completely rogue. Yet!).

An eerie silence filled the air. We paused. It was as if we were awaiting Steve Jobs to appear in front of us as a mystical vision and announce, "Yes, dear chid, do it. You have my blessing."

And I did have a vision of sorts ~ I suddenly remembered a particular day, circa 2010, when I was working on a project with a freelancer who had just gotten an iPhone. I still had my beloved flip-phone, which was not only built like a tank, but had a short, hard antennae that could also serve as a protective weapon should a dinner date go south. I was never afraid for my womanly safety when that phone was clenched in my manicured hand.

As he told me about the wonders of his new device, and relayed to me the unanticipated feeling of sheer PANIC that overtook him when he forget it at home for the first time ~ a deed that caused him to turn his car around and rush back to retrieve it ~ I was mesmerized. He seemed slightly traumatized just recalling the incident and was shocked that his new "phone" had such a hold over him. And I remember telling him I couldn't imagine anything like that...that I didn't want to own any "phone" that made me feel that way...and that I had zero desire to be checking my email as I walked down the street.

I remember feeling so absolutely sure of myself and firm in my convictions.

And so, a couple years later, I of course joined the rest of the sheep and purchased an iPhone. And was reading my email as I sauntered down the bustling streets of Portland, Maine.

But in my heart, it always felt wrong. Like an invasion. I felt I was betraying some part of my deepest self. Because, innately, I knew we are not meant to be available to everyone every second of the day. We don't need to read email while on vacation with our children. We've talked ourselves into believing this is how it has to be. But it doesn't. We still have free will. Hooray! What a lovely thing to remember.

And so, yesterday I emancipated myself...and deleted my email from my mini-computer. I mean, phone. So for now, I cannot email anyone from my phone, nor can I access anyone's emailed messages or musings or ramblings or advertisements or business pitches from my phone.

I consider this a small miracle. And a large blessing.

I shall once again, as I did back in my more sane days, only read my email from my computer, when I am good and ready. Nothing is that much of an emergency.

And if it is, there is always my The thing you can use to call people on.

And on that dangling participle, I bid you a gentle adieu, and send you peace and a wish for our collective sanity in these times of technological marvel and ridiculousness.

Now go sit in the woods for a while. Look at the stars. Hug your mail-person before he or she is extinct. And save your soul. :)



ps - The irony that you may well be reading this on YOUR "phone" doesn't escape me. And if I can figure out a way to have this magically appear on your bedside table, instead, I will jump right on it. I am waiting to bypass all of the technology and go right into the "instant manifestation" portion of our evolution. ;)

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